A Letter to my Husband

 

 

My Dearest Husband,

I am writing this to you because I have found ZERO cards that even come close to my feelings on our first anniversary.

 

 

One year.....365 days.....52 weeks......8,760 hours.....I would go on, as you know I would, lol, but it's weird to count past the hours. Isn't it? Lol.

 

But, honey, what a great year we've had. 

 

I don't think you know how much I've prayed for you. I've been praying for you since I was a little girl dreaming of a life and love that God describes best. Meeting a man that would love me, adore me, encourage me, laugh with me, honor me, make hard decisions with me and choose to every single day as we grew old together. A man that loves God and his family. A man that is a great father.....my dream looked a little different than my reality as it stands today. Lol. But I wouldn't have it any other way. God heard my "check list". And then He got busy.

 

Finding you was hard though and I waited patiently as we both struggled through the lessons God had for us to learn. Molding us, teaching us, growing us, only to let us meet when we were both ready. Honestly! Think about it. If we had met even a year sooner, we wouldn't have been ready for each other. His timing is perfect.
But for me, the wait was hard, but I remained faithful to Him and what He promised..........and then you came.

 

 

All of my years of wanting, and waiting, and hurting, and wondering when, thinking it's never gonna happen for me......(desperate much? Lol. Not really)....suddenly disappeared. I was laughing again. I was smiling and looking forward to getting out of bed......I love my children, and they give me joy. Calm down. Lol. But true love between a man and woman is...soooo, so different.

 

 

Being your girlfriend was probably the best thing ever in life. We were goofy and fun and spontaneous and romantic. You were a gentleman. A kind of gentleman that you only see in movies or hear about in books. I learned a lot from you in those months of dating. A lot about you, a lot about me, but mostly what stuck out was I learned what love looks like the way God had designed it to be. My dreaming was over.

And my fairy tale began when you proposed.

I was so excited to get the flowers from you that day at work. They were beautiful and it made me feel so special. My smile just wouldn't go away and quite possibly annoyed every man in my office that you made look bad. Lol. But I had no idea what you had planned. I just knew that the kids were gone for the night and I got to spend my New Year's Eve with my incredible and handsome boyfriend.

When I walked around the corner at the restaurant and saw our families together, I was in total shock. My first thought was, "someone has died". Morbid, yes.

But everyone was smiling...."ok, that can't be it."

My brain was racing a millions thoughts at once, allowing ZERO clarity to form, as you find out later, happens more than I would like. Lol.

Thinking back on it, I'm sure my face was priceless. Lol.

But I loved it. I loved that you included everyone, even with the tensions that are present.

It was special and I fell even more in love with you that night.

 

 

 

 

Our engagement was nothing short of amazing, as I knew it would be. Every moment I spent with you after that was so special. Not a single one I took for granted. And even now, I feel the same. I live every single day like it's the last. Every kiss goodbye and every "I love you" before I fall asleep, has very distinct meaning to me. It makes me feel alive and that I'm soaking in every minute of this life. I never want there to be a doubt in your mind that you are loved. Because you are. You so are!

 

Our wedding weekend finally arrived. Thank GOD!!! It felt like eternity watching that silly countdown. But instead of days, it turned to hours. And I was so excited knowing that I would not be the same person when I left than when I had arrived. I was going to be your wife and I couldn't wait.

My song started to play and I paused. Breathing in deeply so I could focus on every moment of our ceremony. I didn't want to miss a thing. And as I began to walk with my dad, I remember feeling slightly irritated because the sun was directly in my eyes and I had a hard time seeing you waiting for me. The moment passed fairly quick, as my dad started in on his silly comments, " It's not too late. I could hold them off for a bit while you run." Lol. He was clearly trying to hold back his tears as he knew I would NEVER run from you. And he would not want me to. You are the greatest gift to ever happen to me.

Your vows.....oh man, your vows. Nothing more amazing than to hear your heart out loud and professed in front of our dearest friends and family. You are a jewel to me.....and my/our kids.

 

 

 

 

Our ceremony was perfect. Exactly what I wanted....minus the heat.
Ain't nobody got time fo that!! Lol.

I was on cloud nine the whole time. The drama that had tried to creep in and ruin the day was completely out of my mind. You were my only focus. My handsome cowboy.

Our day was as it should have been.....undeniably perfect! I was finally yours and you, mine.


Our honeymoon was definitely memorable. And I must formally apologize, AGAIN, for my ridiculous display of complete dehydration and total intoxication. I loved our trip despite. I learned a lot that week and am so thankful for you. I am thankful for so many reasons, but I have had so many adventures with you already, that one just took the cake.


The first year of life together, all under one roof....I know space-wise, it has been more difficult for you. But I can't express enough the happiness our togetherness has brought me. It has taught me, and the kids, some very important lessons....valuable lessons. I treasure our moments/time together, even when they have been less than perfect. Every laugh, every tear, every disagreement, I take something new away and that much more determined to be the best version of me that I can be so that you can be the best version of you. You are so special. I just........LOVE the heck out of you!!

You are my best friend, and confidant. My best support and biggest encouragement. You are everything that I need and God knew you were imperfectly perfect just for me. I will continue to thank Him every single day for the rest of my life on this Earth. I love our journey together. Thank you for being you and loving me.




From the depths of my soul
and with unconditional love,


Your thankful wife

 

 

 

You Can't Escape Change

 

May......denial.

 

 

 

Me and May have a love/hate relationship.

 

I love it in the fact that it means my hectic morning routine and all of the homework and parent meetings and school lunch bills and fundraisers and sports and last minute projects and just ALL of the stresses of school is finally coming to a much needed end for a few months. A nice long break.

The Lord is good.

 

 

But my hate is sooooo much stronger.

 

It means summer is here and a new routine to adjust to. And looking at the activities scheduled for the summer just means a different kind of stress. Basketball camp, church camp, cheer camp......coordinating to make sure everything will fit without overlapping. Cheerleading alone is going to take up a few days in June and the ENTIRE month of August for Kenzie. And then any incidentals along the way.....a break my big toe!!

 

 

 

 

 

It also means, my babies are another year older. Another year closer to an independent life. More importantly, and selfishly, another year closer to leaving me.

 

I don't know why it hits me so hard at the end of a school year and not so much on their birthdays, but it does. It just kills me to think about them not being under my protective wing anymore. That day is real and will be here sooner than I want. And it kills me to think about all the times I lose my cool with them, get so frustrated with them, even mad sometimes...all the while knowing that the clock is ticking and I'm not cherishing them the way I should. Not cherishing that the hectic, non-stop schedules are a blessing.....a blessing that's not going to last forever.

 

I look back at pictures when they were all so little. I thought the diaper phase was never going to end. I remember being so tired. I just wanted one full night's sleep...without any interruptions. They were so needy. I did everything for them. I dressed them, fed them, changed them, fixed their hair, carried them wherever we went, bathed them, put them to sleep, packed a bag any time we left the house...they were babies. And I was so tired. Feeling like it would never end.

 

They were going to be babies FOREVER!!!!!

 

 

And then I wake up today and realize.......I wish I could change that tiny little diaper one more time. Or rock Madison to sleep just one more time. Or look up and see that tiny little handprint that never seemed to go away on the glass door.

I don't do as much for them anymore. They do their own chores now, which means I do even less. I cook and do laundry....but the day is drawing near that I will have to hand those responsibilities over to them as well, if they plan to be independent adults. At that point, I will just be a bystander, waiting to correct a mistake, or give a pointer to make a task easier. Giving my advice and letting them make their own decision......

 

Things just keep changing.

 

And it's hard...to adjust.

 

 

My oldest just made a big decision for herself a few weeks ago. And it was hard for me to let her.

 I'm not sure that there's a single person out there that knows my family that doesn't know Kenzie's love for dance.

She's been dancing since she was almost three years old. If my memory serves me correctly, this year will be her 10th recital. A decade of dancing. And she loves it.

 

 

 

And she's good at it. She's worked hard.

When she started dancing, all those many years ago, she saw girls that looked just like this and said, "Someday I want to dance like that"

(in three year old lingo).

And now look at her. She made it.

Pancake skirt and toe-shoe dancing ballerina. Just what she dreamed of.

And when she dances in her recital in 18 days, it'll all be over for her.

She has decided to pursue sports and cheerleading here in Sunray, which was really difficult for her to choose. It's like she wanted me to tell her what to do. As hard as that was for me, I resisted. I wanted her to decide and be happy with it.

 

My heart broke a little when she told me.

 

But I kept a straight face and agreed with her.

The beginning of many, I'm sure.

 

 

 

 

 

UGH!!!!!! STUPID MAY!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Come June, I'll be fine and back to normal, I'm sure. But until then, I will cry my tears and be just fine. Just another parent dealing with life.....all the joys, disappointments and change.

 

 

Love your kids.

 

Hug them.

 

Kiss them.

 

Tell them.

 

Show them.

 



 



Tail Lights and Dust

Holy Moses y'all!

 

It's already April and so much is happening! It seems like life is busier than ever!! Which I seem to have a love/hate relationship with.

 

Sports in a small town is no joke. A season will end, and then a new one starts up the very next day.

To date, my oldest daughter has been in basketball, then track, off-season basketball started this morning, and cheerleading tryouts this Friday. And during all of this, she is managing ballet in Amarillo, band, National Junior Honors Society....it's never-ending!

 

 

And that's just ONE!!!!

 

My son has also done basketball and we are now in the midst of baseball season. Thankfully, his games haven't started up just yet. But when they do.......Dear Lord, just get me through May.
But, of course, he keeps himself busy with other things too.
Boy things.....

 

 

 

And my itty bitty has also given basketball a shot, and I have to tell ya. She surprised me out there on that court. She's a bossy little thing, telling these girls what's up like she's the coach. Lol. Pretty entertaining. And she is also continuing her ballet in Amarillo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Making the list just raised my blood pressure, so.....moving on.

 

 

 

OH!!!! I have to tell y'all something real quick!!

So, you know on my last post I made a list of all the differences in small vs big town.....a new one has developed.

My youngest has been going with her 2nd grade class to the YMCA in Dumas this week and last for.......wait for it........

 

 

 

SWIMMING LESSONS!!!!

 

 

They actually miss half of the school day three days a week to take swimming lessons for FREE!!

 

Isn't that crazy?! Lol!! I've been sending her to school in her swim suit.
My brain cannot fathom.
Just craziness.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, moving on.

 

 

 

 

So, we hit a milestone in our family this month. My oldest turned 13 for anyone that doesn't have a Facebook.......which is no one. So, I'm tellin ya again.


For all these years, I've had sympathy to the fact that her birthday is April Fool's Day, so I've left her alone and let all of her little school friends mess with her. But this year was different. She was turning 13 and really wanted a certain something for her birthday. She's always been very easy to please with no fancy requests, so I have NEVER heard the begging and pleading and deal-making shenanigans that this girl has shown us over the past several months.
So, my clever husband (I could never take credit for this) came up with such a simple, but down right evil April Fool's joke.

I'll let you see for yourself......

PURE EVIL!!!!! And completely hilarious!!! And she was a great sport about it.
She's been doing everything but selling her soul to the devil to get a phone....and there was the box.
iPhone 5s on the cover.
A prettier box just did not exist.
 Could this be?
Has it finally happened?



...........................................




NOPE!!! Bwhahaha!!!!
Instead, a pink baby iPhone.

I love that girl and her sense of humor.
Best April Fool's joke I've ever been a part of.
Good job, honey.


But we could never be so cruel to such a gentle soul if we weren't going to follow it up with the real deal.
(this, too, was my husband's idea)

Her little squeal at the end is my favorite. I probably listened to that 100 times.
If you missed it, watch it again. So cute. :)

So, now we have a teenager and a bigger cell phone bill. Lol.

Eh. Life.


Ok, changing pace...

So, earlier this year, I talked about the goals I have set for myself to work on: confidence and self-esteem. I wrote about it so it could be known and I could be held accountable. And I tell you what....I am being tested!! In a really great way, but man oh man. I've never wanted something so bad!!!
And the ONLY way to achieve said "want" is to be confident and believe I can.
Believe in me.

The fear of failure has held me back from sooooo many things, but this?? I want it too bad, so I keep telling myself, "The only way to fail is to quit". And I KNOW I'm not a quitter.

But how profound.....I have sat back, most of my life, and watched countless of opportunities go by for so many different things. And my thought has always been,

"if you don't try, then you won't fail".

How dumb!!!!
I've missed out on so much!! And guess what......I FAILED anyway.

Why???

Because I didn't even try!!!!
LOL!
SLAP. MYSELF.


Well, not anymore. Not this. I believe in it and I believe in myself.

I WILL.

I WILL UNTIL.

Sorry for being vague, but just know it's happening. Lives will change and it will be because I believed in me.

Love ya!!!!