Small Town Livin'.....Y'all

So, growing up my entire life as a "city girl", moving to a small.....SMALL.....town, I have noticed quite a few differences in life. So, I thought I'd share for those that have never had these experiences and for those that will think I'm ridiculous for thinking this is anything but normal.

 

 

1. Your mail is not delivered to your residence.

I was aware that PO Box's existed before now, just never had one. Not a big deal, just kinda weird not walking out to your mailbox, but kinda nice because we won't have to change anything when we move. ;)

 

 

2. This one's kind of a Duh one, but it's so weird to finally experience it.....everyone knows and/or are related to everyone. Living in Amarillo is nothing more than seeing new people every single day of your life. And possibly never seeing those same people ever again in your existence of living.

Conclusion??

Be. Nice. To. Everyone.

 

 

3. Because of #2, I have experienced this.....awkward stares and unsettled smiles as if I carry some kind of disease when I go into any store in town. It's like they know me because they don't. Odd.

 

 

4. People wave at you when you drive by.

I've lived here for almost 8 months now.....why can't I remember to do this?? So, most likely, I have been pegged as the "snobby driver in the red Highlander".....since people also know what everyone drives around here. Eventually, I will remember....of course by then, people will probably have stopped waving at me. Lol. My bad.

 

 

5. I am not a fan of Dairy Queen.

The End.

 

 

6. When discussing with a person about another person's home, they do not refer to addresses. They refer to previous owners.

Mind. Blown.

 

 

7. If you have a child in school here, they will play sports. No need to try out. Everyone makes the team. Kind of like Kids Inc. in A-town.....except Kids Inc. is not a thing here.

 

 

8. Ok, I mentioned the kids' school. I have a 2nd grader, 3rd grader and 7th grader....I drop them off at the same building. (insert "shocked" emoji) Oh, and when my 7th grader finally makes it to a different school than the younger siblings, she will no longer have a cafeteria. Pure insanity, I tell you!!!

 

 

9. Which brings me to one of the tougher things I've had to deal with since moving here.

 

MY CHILDREN PLAY IN THE STREET, STAY HOME ALONE AFTER SCHOOL FOR TWO HOURS AND MY 12 YEAR OLD WALKS TO ALLSUPS FOR LUNCH!!!...........and here, that does not make me a bad parent. Just a parent that now suffers from high blood pressure. Lol....no, seriously.

 

 

10. One last observation about the school system....ok, two.

 

My graduating class had more students than the entire Sunray ISD.

A couple weeks ago, my kids were out of school for a "ski day".

I have no words.

 

 

11. Even though not everyone gets along, this community is tight.

Our City Manager unexpectedly passed away a few months ago. The entire town shut down and school was closed so that everyone could attend his funeral. That was pretty powerful to me.

You sure don't see that in Amarillo.

 

 

12. There are literally no houses for sale, so we have to build. I'm ok with that. :)

 

 

13. There are no stop lights here.

Not. One.

I have developed road rage when visiting A-town.

 

 

14. People are in slow motion. Seriously. No one speeds here.

It's like Mr. Roger's neighborhood. People waving to each other. Driving all slow. Kids playing in the street.

 

 

 

And last, but not least...for now....

 

 

15. I am 20 miles away from the nearest Wal-Mart, and our cute little "grocery store" closes at dusk.

Being organized and prepared has taken a new meaning.

If you're up with a sick kid puking everywhere in the middle of the night, you better hope Allsups has what you need, because it's the only thing open 24 hours a day.

 

 

 

Lol. This was a fun list to make. And I really am really liking it here.

Things are just so different in our world, but I wouldn't change a thing.

 

 

But there is one last thing that I have realized.............

 

 

 

 

I have never in my entire life wanted a horse more than I do now!!!

The answer continues to be "no" almost daily.

 

 

 

 

I have decided........I would be satisfied with a goat.  :)

 

 

 

 Well, that's all for now.

Love ya!!

I'm Going to be Me

So, it's 2016 now.......

Wait...whaaaa???

Another year has flown by, but this time I had my eyes wide open and cherished every moment. One of the best years of my life to date. Thank you, Jesus!!

So.......it's January......of a new year......you know what that means!!!!

New Year's Resolution Time!!!!!!!!!

...................................................

Nope, not this girl. Not this time.

Maybe these "resolutions" work for some people, but not me.

After my 10+ years of making out a list of my next year's failures, I think I'll pass this time. 

I mean, honestly! If you're reading this and you've known me for any length of time, look back for a second and think........."How many times did Mary say she was going to quit smoking?"

I'm pretty sure I have posted "My last day as a smoker" at least 7 times.

Pu. Lease!!!!

Raise your hand if you believed me!!

Yea, me neither.

Or that time I said I was going to go to the gym Every. Single. Day.

Or was it every other day?

Oh, I think I meant if I can get there at least once a week.......

Why?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

I guess I should be talking to myself....

Why do you do this to yourself?!?!?

It's like I went completely out of my way to conjure up a list of ways I can suck at life. And by the end of the year, I'm thanking God it's over......

Until a few weeks ago....

You see, that was the end of 2015 and I was actually sad to see it go. That's a first. It has been such a wonderful year for me AND my kids. Wonderful? No. That word is weak.....my shoes are wonderful!

Marvelous! Extraordinary! Unimaginable!! Irreplacable!!!!

Absolutely priceless.

I don't know that any of these words completely sum up the greatness that was my 2015.

 But I do think that with a new year comes some self-reflection.
Do I have a Resolution?
I don't think I would call it that.

But what I do know is that I still have some work to do on me.


Until the good Lord comes back, I will always be a work in progress. This I know.
But this evil world sure knows how to find your weaknesses and kick you while you're down.

Luckily, I have found myself slowly climbing out of that hole. And the feeling is liberating! I'm reclaiming my life!!

So what did I choose to work on this year?

Confidence and self esteem.

Soooo many changes have taken place this last year and I find myself pretty vulnerable to it all.
New town, new job, new schools, new husband :)....dare I say, new PEOPLE.....EVERYWHERE!!!

Say it with me......A N X I E T Y!!

Self esteem has also declined, but I think that's pretty typical post-mom, right? Surely I can get an Amen on that one.

So, my goal?

Hold my head up high and make some new friends. Lol.
To some, this "goal" is a total copout.


But for this girl........the struggle is real.

It's exhausting to think about having to "train" new people to realize that I'm not a snob, I just don't like to talk in or around large groups of people.
I say "train" and that's exactly right. Once people have a chance to really know me, they respect my boundaries. They don't push me to do or be a certain way to test our friendship.

But the new people I encounter don't know these things about me yet.

My plan?




Be confident.





How......?

I have made a list and I'm sure I will find things to add to it along the way.




Numero Uno:

I am going to recognize the positive qualities about myself without feeling cocky or arrogant.
Arrogant people...they're the worst, aren't they?? And most of the time, they really are beautiful people!.....on the outside. The irony is that once you get to know these types of annoying people, their physical beauty seems to fade.
I just want to be able to say to myself that I am good at ___________ and that's acceptable. I am neither cocky nor arrogant for this. I am merely acknowledging the gifts God himself has given me and figuring out a way to use them for His glory......cause that's kinda of why we're here in the first place.

Number Two:

Accepting that I'm not going to be good at everything...............and that's ok.
I'm tired of beating myself up all the time. I can't be great at everything. I'm not Betty Crocker and I'm not Martha Stewart. I'm not a stay at home mom that is able to devote my entire day to my family and the household.

So quit comparing yourself to these types of women!!!!!

If my life ever becomes this reality, THEN I can set a new standard for myself.
But until then, your kids and husband seem to think you're pretty great the way you are.

Number Three:

When my husband compliments me.....I'm going to believe that he is telling me the truth instead of believing he is just telling me what I want to hear.

I mean, come on Mary!!! He wouldn't have married a dog!! Physical attraction, though not most important, is still a pretty darn important element in a relationship. So, when he says you're beautiful.......BELIEVE HIM for goodness sake!!!! Know that he is telling you the truth.
Say it with me: you are pretty, you are pretty, you are pretty......



Now. Believe it.


I feel like confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand. So tackling the two together seems to make sense to me. I'm sure I will struggle with this at times, but I'm the daughter of a mighty King. And He created me in His image. And He doesn't make mistakes. So I feel like I should feel pretty good about me. Lol.

Nothing is impossible with Him by my side.........and the great man He's given me to do life with. :)

I am one lucky lady.

Look out 2016!!!
Cause this chick's gonna make her mark!!!!!

(in a very calm and non-aggressive way)

:)



Skeletons

I have to take an intermission from my fairy tale life to be real for a minute......

 

 

When I first started this blog, I talked about the "bad days" that I would have....well, I'm having one of those. And all of these thoughts are going through my mind a hundred miles an hour, and I just need to....sort them out.....

 

 

So.....I have mood swings. Completely shocked, I'm sure.

I mean, really. I'm a classic case for mood swings.

I am a woman.

I have children.

I have a history of hormone imbalance.

I have children.

Irregular cycles. 

I have children.

Extreme anxiety.....did I mention I have children?

 

Haha. Just kidding.

 

The sad truth is, for a long time, I blamed the stresses of having kids for the cause of these mood swings. Really, I truly felt like I was completely validated by the cards that were stacked against me.

 

Married young. Financially unsuccessful. Four kids. Working mom.

 

Every day was considered a success when everyone went to bed still breathing. I lived my life in Survival Mode for a very long time...and assumed that as the kids got older, things would get easier.

But they didn't.....they progressively got worse.

My problem finally revealed itself to me, so I went to the doctor.

Long, boring story short....I got medicated. When I thought I was getting mentally healthier, I was actually just getting better at suppressing my feelings.

Fast forward to today....


I married a great man. Not just a good man...a GREAT one. I know that I am a lucky lady. More blessed by him than I will ever deserve.

And I have never wanted to be dead more than I did this morning.

Who feels like that?!? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!!!!
But I am failing him as his wife. And to know that, makes me want to not even live anymore. He deserves so much better than me.

Old skeleton's are coming out. Dammit!!!

Why?! Why won't they just go away??

The Devil is winning again.

I looked at him this morning as he was leaving for work thinking, "I wonder if this is the last time I will ever see him again"....secretly hoping a semi would just hit me on my way to work.

God has given me the greatest gift.....and I'm just sitting over here f***ing it up. Why does He even waste His gifts on me?

My own worst enemy. That's what I am.

I know that none of these feelings are rational at all, but....it doesn't make me feel them any less.


WAKE THE HELL UP, WOMAN!!! Shake those demons!!

Or you're going to loose everything.....