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Mr. & Mrs.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

In Survival Mode.....

Well, we are already half way through December....getting old sucks! LOL! Every day, every month, every year seems to go by faster than the last. We still have three work days left until we are out for the Christmas break and that can't come fast enough...ironic.
Our Sunday school class Christmas party is tonight. That will be fun. We will get to eat yummy food and visit with lots of great friends-in-the-making. I remember this time last year. I was a hot mess. I cried at the drop of a hat. I had never really understood the meaning of that phrase until now. I couldn't even go to the Christmas party because I just "knew" no one liked me. But this year will be different because I am medicated and realize that none of it was true. I really am my own worst enemy. LOL!!

We have all of our Christmas cards mailed out, so I can finally show you our 2011 family picture!
I love it! And love that it was free because my dad took it in front of his house :) A huge shout out goes to my bestie Krystole for making the kids shirts!! They were perfect and the kids love them!! 

Ok, this is the real reason for my post today. A lot has happened in the last week and I have to talk about it. That is something I love about blogging. I can have an entire conversation and complete thoughts without interruption or interpretation so I apologize in advance for the lengthy post.

Anyway, several months ago, you will remember we had "Megan" over to our house to discuss visitation modification without having to go to court. We had come to an agreement and had papers drawn up by our attorney. They have been filed through the court and sitting on her attorney's desk ever since. So, a several days ago, Kyle called her. He reminded her that the papers had not been signed yet and we were running out of time. The judge that is over seeing our case is trying to clear out his docket for the new year. He informed our attorney that we until the 16th of this month to either drop the case or set a date for court. So when Kyle told "Megan" this, she hesitated and said she would call us the next day. And she did....to tell us that she had changed her mind......Kyle sat there talking to her for the next 30 minutes trying to convince her that she was making a huge mistake, which she was, and told her to seriously reconsider. He told her to take the evening to really think about her decision and the consequences that will come from that and for her to call us the next day....

So the next day arrived, not a moment too soon. Kyle finally came home. There were no messages on the answering machine and no missed calls. He took a shower and collected his thoughts, then he called her. We had prayed all night that she would finally make her first good decision in nine years....probably the wrong prayer, but we are at the end of our ropes here. Our nightmare was confirmed. Kyle mustered up every bit of  "nice guy" he had left in him and said, "I guess we will see you in court then. Good luck."

 We called our attorney the very next day to tell him the news and he had already set the court date for us. I am still shocked by the promptness of the court. Our date has been scheduled for Feb. 10th at 9am. What!!!! That is less than two months away!! I asked Kyle what our attorney said about getting ready: witness list, payment, people and records we will need to subpena (not sure on the spelling)...all he said was "call me after the first of the year". Ok, if he is not worried, I guess we shouldn't either. Easier said than done. I am confident in the outcome that will be in court, no problem...My worry is money. This is full blown court war. I can't even imagine what that will cost....I know there is nothing bigger than our God, but it just makes me wonder if we are making the right decision. To put our family in this financial situation just feels irresponsible, but then I remember that this is still about Bailee's best interest and safety and I still believe that IS what we are doing.... I am positive in saying that this will be the first time I have EVER relied on God totally and completely. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to even admit that, but it is true. I know His Will will be done and he sees everything, but sometimes I just need a sign, something tangible to tell me I am doing what is right. I am more nervous than I have ever been and have started having dreams. If you know me at all, you know that going to court is my biggest nightmare in real life. Just the thought of being on the stand being questioned about my character, "Megan's" character, every  single thing that has happened in the past six years makes me want to throw up....what if I forget something? What if I say something wrong? What if I start crying like a complete idiot? What if I completely blow our case?! Since I am the "other mom", I feel this overwhelming amount of pressure that all eyes will be on me. Obviously I know ALL eyes will be on her, but them me....We are just in definite need of prayer right now. Kyle is at the end of his rope and I am just barely holding both of us on it. Prayers for patience, peace of mind, complete trust in our Father and love...we are having a really hard time loving the other family right now.

These are one of those times where you truly see how thankful you are for family and friends, and I have decided ours' are the best! So thank you in advance for your prayers and support. Love you guys!!!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Just One of Those Days....

I guess I am just having one of those days. I don't have them often, praise the Lord, but when they come...they are sooo hard. 

I am having a "I feel completely worthless" kind of day...I'm not a very good wife, I'm not a good mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, grand daughter, niece, child of God...do they have pills for that? Probably not....I can't cook and can't keep a clean house. I'm not good at anything and work at a daycare because I was irresponsible enough to have so many children and no education. I know my husband would miss me only because he would have more responsibilities, I know my kids would miss me only because they need someone to take them places, I know my boss would miss me only because she would have to find someone else to hire and kiss her butt...my time at the daycare is almost over and I am thinking about where I will go...I have no skills and no certifications for ANYTHING!! I am almost 28 and what do I have to show for it?! I know I have a great husband and four wonderful kids, but if I didn't have those things....who would I be? I am selfish, lazy and completely insecure. I know God loves me because the Bible tells me so, but sometimes I feel like it is only because He has to, not because He wants to. I feel like I have no purpose here. What is my calling? All of my friends have passion in what they have been called to do in their life...Am I just oblivious to what I have been called to do or ignored God in some way? I have passion for nothing and am not ambitious in any way. I am in survival mode and just trying to get through the day...

Don't misunderstand anything I have said here. I am not suicidal in any way and I don't feel this way very often. I just feel like I need to record these feelings when they do because I don't feel like they are normal...I am just hoping and believing that tomorrow will be a better day...

Monday, December 5, 2011

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

It's COLD outside!!! Didn't think I would say that anytime soon from the summer we've had. The drive to take the kids to school this morning was just scarey!! People can be so reckless, or wreck-full, however you want to look at it. I saw about four wrecks and about eight different cars slide off the road in a mile span. Two words....SLOW DOWN!!!!!! 

This cold, kinda snowy weather reminds me of our snow day last year....of course it snowed a LOT more than last night and we actually got to stay home from school. That never happens!! We were all so excited! We slept in late, watched movies, made snow ice cream....It was one of the best snow days EVER!!! Come to think of it, I think it may have been the only snow day we've had since I was in school...hmm...Anyway, dug up some pics of last year's snow day :)

Eating yummy snow ice cream!!
Can't have ice cream without sprinkles :)
Time to play in the snow!!!
Madison had a lot more fun this year :)
She is knee deep in snow...
Kenzie...not quite sure where her other glove is...hmm
I told him not to do this...
He just wouldn't listen...frozen hands are not fun :(
Me and the girls :)


We had sooo much fun playing in the snow!! We hardly ever have that much snow all at one time!! All this talk about the cold makes me wish I had bought stuff to make stew :(  Sad day....

Ohhh!!! Did I tell you how the hot glue gun has changed my life?! No? Well, last week, I was trying to finish up my Christmas countdown advent calendar made completely out of toilet paper rolls. I glued the scrapbook paper on the rolls and the number tags, but then I was stuck...how am I going to get twenty four toilet paper rolls to stay together? Should I tie them? Should I tape them? Then, my crafty friend, Krystole (who is a genius by the way), told me I should use a hot glue gun. I actually had one, which was the crazy thing! But I didn't have any glue sticks and had never used one, or at least it has been long enough I don't remember using one...any who, I did it!! And it was easy!! And now I find myself looking around the house trying to figure out what I will hot glue next!! Ha ha ha!!! Here is my advent...



That's kinda hard to see...let me get a close up...


I still can't believe how magical hot glue really is...if only I had known about it's powers years ago...anyway...the kids are having a blast with the countdown. If you have not ever done one of these, I highly recommend it. It is easy, you can put anything you want in the tube and the kids think it is the best thing ever invented since sliced bread! Seriously! I have never seen them color a picture with such enthusiasm all because the "tube" told them to. 


And when you can't think of something to do or just don't have time that day for something time consuming, just put "Sweet Christmas Treat". We did that one last night :)

We are also unwrapping and reading one Christmas story each night leading up to Christmas day. The kids think that is pretty awesome too.

Day 1

Day 2
Day 3...she IS wearing shorts...promise!
Day 4
My two older girls don't even care that some of the books are very, very simple. I love all of these new little traditions we have started this year and so are the kids!! Well, I guess I have rambled long enough. Gotta get some cleaning done :)